From Stress to Calm

In order to feel calm, and, if we cannot control our environment, if we cannot control other people, places, or situations, we have to find a way to live in a body-mind that can stay calm regardless of circumstances. Something happens, something overwhelming, surprising, something we don’t like: What do we do?

If you are anything like me, you may have been conditioned not to express what you’re feeling.

You and I were basically better off not saying anything. Because, if we did, we were often told, “Stop crying”, “Get over it”, “You shouldn’t feel like that”, “What’s wrong with you?”, “You’re too sensitive”, or we were just dismissed, ignored, or blatantly shunned.

Either way, we were told that What we were feeling wasn’t important.

Which, often made us feel we were not important, which in turn, made our feelings unimportant.

The problem was, and in some ways still is, that we could still feeeeeeel our feelings. Often we lived with feelings of fear, anxiety, dread, or even grief…for years!

Consequently, we had to develop a way to live, avoiding our true feelings, and believing that they were not important. We had to learn how to fake it so as not be a bother. We had to learn how not to be our Self. Creating this persona was a way to protect our Self, but often also led to hiding our authentic Self.

A childhood with negative comments and stressful conditions creates stress in our bodies.

And when we cannot release that stress in a productive, Self-loving way, we learn to keep it inside and closed in with a very tight lid. We learn how to live inside of our own made-up emotional “pressure cooker”, avoiding our feelings at all costs.

To keep the pressure manageable and avoid an explosion, we develop “valves” and the illusion of being in control. These valves can often become habits and even addictions. However, they work to keep the pressure bearable.

We all have some type of internal tension, depending on our past. What I have learned through my clients is that, regardless of how perfect our childhood has been, there can still be a pressure cooker of tension, for whatever reason, that some of us struggle with.

And that makes Somatic awareness such a wonderful invitation to experience whole-body living. When we can be fully body-aware, in the present moment, we are free to feel into our own experience in the moment, and not be influenced by our past.

The world and our situations look different when we feel calmer.

How can we resolve the pressure and learn how to live with our Authentic Self? We learn how to turn down the heat. In my world, we learn how to “Be with it.”

I have learned to pause with a Stop. Drop. Check…and Choose moment and feeeeeel into my body and recognize what’s going on with me. First, I stop and check my environment. Where am I?

Am I safe? Second, I exhale and let go of my breath. Third, I ask my Self, “What am I feeling in my body?”

After I have recognized how I am doing Somatically…and emotionally and mentally…I stay body-aware and scan my surroundings. What’s happening? What do I need to do? What can I do?

Where can I be useful? And, where are my boundaries?

I ask, “How can I be supportive?” If the request is within my boundaries, I’m all in. If there are demands I do not feel comfortable fulfilling, I will respectfully say, “That doesn’t work for me,” and stay in the somatic sensations that come up when I’m saying “no”.

I used to find saying “no” so uncomfortable that I would often give in and find my Self in situations that were not good for me, just to avoid the discomfort of saying “no” and, thus, risk rejection. It has taken me years to learn how to say “no” without guilt.

This sounds as though it would take hours. However, a practice like this can be accomplished in minutes. “Stop. Drop. Check…and Choose.” is a way to remember to center and stabilize my Self first before I attempt to help anyone else. You know how we are told on an airplane to put our own mask on first, and then help others? It’s like that.

If I cannot “breathe”, function, move, or think...about you, and how to be helpful, if I am frozen, overwhelmed, or just confused my Self, I’m no good to you anyway.

Self-care has to come first.

We are most helpful when we are calm, centered, and in balance our Self. Then we can give our full attention to others and be truly useful.

But…how do we get there? How do we remember to center our Self first? This can become a very simple practice. The “Stop. Drop. Check…and Choose.” practice can become a ONE-minute

Self-attunement exercise that we will automatically do the same way we pull our hand away from a hot plate.

When we become connected with our Self, this tool becomes part of us. By using it consistently over time, we get to the point where we are aware of our internal body-mind as strongly as we are aware of our surroundings. This awareness is also called interoception.

According to Cleveland Clinic, Interoception is the understanding of your body’s internal senses.

How does interoception work? The interoception process consists of three steps:

1. Sensing (you feel a sensation). An interoceptor (sensor in a neuron/nerve cell) detects a signal. A neuron sends it along a nerve fiber pathway to your brain. It lands in a region called your thalamus. (Your stomach rumbles.)
2. Interpreting (you determine what the feeling is). Your thalamus sends the information to the insula to decode it. Your insula rewrites the message into a language that you can understand. (You feel hungry.)
3. Integrating (you take action). You read the message with your conscious mind and determine whether or not you need to take action. (You eat some food.)

When we can feel our internal sensations (when we have developed interoceptive skills), we can say we have good interoception. And with that…we are free to face our day with a calmness that allows us to respond rather than react.

In the beginning, it seems like so much work. However, I can guarantee that, with practice, this awareness will become such a part of you that you do not need to remember to check in with your body…you just do…all the time…because it has become part of you. This is similar to how you lift your arm to protect your Self when an object is flying at you. You just do…automatically…subconsciously…because the brain’s job is to keep you alive…at all times.

Think of how it would be for you to be fully body-aware, in the present moment, able to allow any emotions and sensations to just be, and feel the freedom to respond to your own experience, without being influenced by your past.

When you feel a whole-body calmness, you have more Clarity in what you want, Confidence in what you do, and Courage to Be . . . You!

Imagine what it would feel like as you resolve:

• Anxiety and depression
• Impulsive behaviors
• Dependence on people
• Dependence on drugs
• Symptoms of trauma
• Addictive habits and behaviors

And then you can:

• Enjoy a sense of peace and well-being
• Develop the ability to be present
• Increase your body-awareness
• Overcome social awkwardness

If you want to learn more about how to reduce the heat of your own “pressure cooker”, please consider attending my “Stress to Calm” workshop, see My workshops on my website for details.

If you want to know more about the BEAM LiFE process and how it can help you find your Self, contact me on my website at www.evaangvert.com or email me at [email protected]