Can You Bank Ease and Comfort?

I’m working with my editor, Sue, and this is happening:

She asks,

“How can you replace feelings of shame and pain with feelings of Ease and Comfort?”

Personally, I have been holding on to my husband and how he died. I saw him lying on the yoga mat breathing heavily (as we do after a session).

I didn’t register that there could be something wrong.

I went to the restroom. When I came back, he was standing up. I asked, “How are you feeling?” - “I’m a little dizzy. I’ll go and change.” - ”Okay.” When he came out into the lobby, I asked again, “How are you feeling?”

”I’m still a little dizzy. I’ll take a walk.” - ”Okay,” I said, not thinking anything about it! “I’ll meet you in the car.” - ”Okay,” he said. That was the last thing I heard him say. He came back to the car and sat down. I asked again, “How are you?” He didn’t answer…

…his head dropped! “BOB!” I ran around the car, gave him mouth to mouth, two breaths, “YES! He’s breathing!”…and then he was gone!

What could I have done differently?

Did I “leave him” there on the mat? What’s wrong with me? I always check on him. I always have.

For 33 years, I have obsessively “scanned” him, making sure he was okay! 

Why not this time?

It’s been three years. I had more somatic training this weekend, and it all came back. Did I just “leave him”? What was wrong with me? Could I have saved him? I’m the one who told him to do yoga! Would he still be here if he had not gone to yoga?

What is wrong with me?

And on and on and on!

“Let go of it, Eva! It’s in the past. There is nothing you can do!”

Session after session I work on letting go. And then…here it is again. However, each time, it feels a little softer, a little lighter. It feels as though I’m walking up the “recovery mountain” in a circle, around and around.

Each time I pass by the “view” of Bob dying, I feel a little more “distance” from the event, a little further up the mountain, a little less scared.

There’s a little less shame and guilt, and a little more room for Ease and Comfort. And each time I experience Ease and Comfort, I can “bank it” for a rainy day. The more I bank, the stronger I get.

When we let go of our past, it can feel as if we are giving up parts of our identity, and, in a way, we are!

I am no longer Bob’s wife! I miss that part. I was his wife! I am now a widow. (What a word to describe a woman!) I feel the void! It’s like a vacuum that can suck me into the tunnel, the pathway to self-destructive thinking.

When I feel shame, I shrink. I slide into the body of a young girl who has been consistently shamed. Funny how I can still feel it.

Each time I’m validating the sensations, they feel as though they are melting away. Each time, I am a little more removed from the pain. Each time, I’m a little higher up on the mountain.

In my experience, the most useful tool I have learned to use is Somatic Awareness, which inspired me to create the

Stop. Drop. Check. exercise. 

This simple but powerful somatic process is the first thing I think about when I feel anything difficult. And so can you.

Notice the thought, allow the emotions, feel the physical sensations, allow everything (even discomfort), and do nothing! Nothing at all…

Just feel it… and it will shift, melt, subside, shrink, leave, and you can be back to Ease and Comfort. The discomfort will pass!

The pain, which is from the past, is being experienced as if it were in the present moment. As Carl Jung has said,

"What we resist persists."

This somatic awareness exercise teaches you to

Stay in the moment and allow your body to “release the story” and leave room for more Ease and Comfort in your bank.

Every time you are willing to allow the pain to “flow through” you without trying to “manage it”, you become more free from your past and closer to your authentic Self, closer to who you truly are.

An awesomely strong person is emerging every time you choose to surrender, feel, and let go.

If you feel ready to move on, I am happy to show you how. Please contact me!