What's the Right Thing...for You!?

How do I know if I’m doing things right, or if I’m doing the right things?

How do you know?

Are we living the best version of who we can be?

How do we know?

Is it a choice? Is it a thought? Is it a feeling, a voice, a physical sensation?

How conscious are you of your Self?

How do we take full responsibility for how we feel, behave, and live our lives?

Are we doing it “right”?

Sitting on a river cruise going down the Rhone River, I ponder about how I got there.

About how fortunate I am to be one of the people on the cruise and not one of the people living under the bridges we are going by.

Being on the cruise or under the bridge… is that a choice?

Some people can “rise above” and pull their Self out of misery, and some give up and live under the bridge.

Is that really a choice?

I cannot take much credit for my current situation. There was a time when I lived in a car, and I was able to pull my Self out of it. However, I was also fortunate to marry a wonderful man who financially supported me for 30+ years…until his death.

Now…where would I have been without that support? The thought keeps me humble.

I do believe humility and gratitude are useful practices to find joy in your life.

However, it’s easier to be grateful when your life is good. But, how do we stay grateful when our lives do not turn out the way we want them to? That’s the “issue”...right?

The moment we resist what’s going on in our lives…ever so slightly…we lose our peace. Regardless of our past, regardless of our circumstances, we live in our own Self-made condition of perspective.

And this Self-made perspective, in the moment, affects our perception of whether we are living in heaven or hell!

So…I can sit on a river cruise, seeing all the couples, and feel sorry for my Self…thinking, “I wish Bob were here”, or stay present and feel the joy of cruising down the Rhone River, and stay grateful for not living under the bridge.

It’s a choice!

A habit of overthinking can feel like a form of OCD. When we cannot stop the brain from thinking that thought again, we are in our own Self-made prison.

But, what happens if we go deeper? Why is that thought (“I wish Bob were here.”) coming back in the first place? How does it make me feel? Miserable! Well…

…why am I ruining my opportunity to feel good going down the river with thoughts that ruin my experience?

Maybe I don’t deserve to feel good. And why is that? I’m not worth it? And…why is that? I have no value? And why is that? Because, in my early life, I wasn’t wanted to begin with.

Oh…and here we are again! I’m not wanted! That old familiar feeling.

Now I have an opportunity to feel that familiar feeling of being bad for the rest of the trip! Or…

…following Dr. Hawkins’ suggestions about “letting go of the balloons”, I can look at my thoughts as balloons.

I might think to my Self, “Why is that blue balloon saying that I’m wrong? And that red one says that I’m not wanted. And, the smaller one says that I’m bad,” and so on. There are no satisfying answers, and the thoughts can go on forever.

However, there is a way out when we are willing to take full responsibility for how we feel!

If we think of the strings attached to the balloons as emotions, we can imagine that each thought comes with a feeling. That balloon makes me feel this way, or that way.

And now, imagine that you are the one who’s holding all the strings in your hand, your grip. This “grip,” Dr. Hawkins tells us, “holds your body stuck in certain sensations, a certain perspective."

Instead of spending the time struggling with the thoughts, going through painful feelings and not being able to enjoy the moment, why don’t we “just” let go of the balloons. Easy, right?

Let go of the grip? After all, we are the ones who are “holding on”.

It’s difficult to see this when we are in the moment of emotional pain, and here is where the Stop, Drop, Check, practice really works well.

When we feel discomfort, regardless of what it is from, we can Stop, (stop what we are doing and look around, and ask, “Do I feel safe?”) If not, find a safe place.

When the answer is “Yes”, Drop, (Exhale and bring our attention inward and feel into our body), and Check (ask our Self, “What am I feeling in my body now?” Be With It! Do Nothing! Use no analysis, no thoughts!)

Just…Be With It! Exhale, Let go of the grip!

And then Choose! Choose how you will respond to your circumstances, your situation…your life. Because after all, it’s your life, and your experience that matters to You! That is your choice!

When we “just” feel into our body and recognize our sensations, without judgment, only recognizing (“Oh, I feel a weight on my chest. It feels hard to breathe; my stomach is rumbling…” and so on.), we allow the body to dissolve the physical discomfort that keeps our sensations locked…the body dissolves the grip that holds the balloons.

And, with the next exhale, the grip that may have been there for decades dissolves, and we are Free!

The balloons ascend, and we are actually Free from repetitive thinking. It can take some practice, and maybe all the balloons are not flying away as easily as we might want. However, that depends on how much we are capable of letting go or willing to do so.

Sometimes, we like to hold on to “being right”. Then we pay the price of “obsessive thinking”...and that in it Self can come from a deep need for feeling safe. Being right can feel safe.

At moments like that, it’s often helpful to say, “I’d rather be happy than right.”

What does it really matter anyway? The triggers are old and keep us in the past, in the prison of our unresolved emotional pain. How about being willing to let go of the balloons and enjoy the moment? It’s possible.

On my trip down the Rhone River, I had the opportunity to exhale and let go of a few balloons that had affected my behaviors and how I felt about my Self for as long as I can remember.

I was rejected by the group I was traveling with.

One person had an issue with me and successfully convinced the group that I was not to be associated with. And here it was…I am not wanted!

A wonderful opportunity to practice Stop. Drop. Check…and Choose how to respond!

Peter Crone (a thought leader in human potential and performance) says, “Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you are not free.”

And on that trip, I wasn’t free! I allowed the people and circumstances of my situation to affect how I felt!

So, I practiced Stop, Drop, Check.

The beauty of this practice is that, in any situation, when I take full responsibility for how I feel, I can also let go, and even dissolve negative feelings.

In that moment, I can recognize that this situation is a trigger from an old emotion of not being wanted, and not give power to the people who trigger that feeling, then…I am Free.

When I give power to my Self by owning the sensations and giving all my attention to my sensations, without any analysis or narrative, just feeling sensations, and become willing to let go of the grip…let go of being right…about anything…and just feel…the sensations dissolve!

And I am Free!

Remember…Freedom is only a breath away!

So many times I have been reminded about the value of acceptance. What we resist persists. The moment I can accept my day exactly the way it is, I’m free! Free to be…me…Eva.

How about you? Are you feeling free?

Regardless of our circumstances, we can choose the perspective that best benefits us.

On the cruise I heard people complain about dinner being boring, breakfast being too early, the tour guide not being educated enough, and many other things.

And I wonder if they ever thought about the people under the bridge.

And what about me? I was feeling sorry for my Self, missing my husband, and feeling the pain from my group avoiding me. So many reasons for negative thinking. So many reasons to hold on to the balloons.

Ruminating to avoid reality only works for so long, and then it’s time to move on. For some, the moving on happens after a few months. For others, it can take years. And, as I asked at the beginning of this article, who decides what’s “right”?

Well, at least I’m not under the bridge.

Here is the challenge!

I do believe our past, our childhood, upbringing, and conditioning for how to deal with life have a huge influence on our ability to function, find reasons to move on, and let go.

Listening to people on this cruise, most older than seventy, I assumed that they all had grief, lost loved ones, almost died, were probably still dealing with illness, and some had even said that they were on their last trip. And, yet, when we had conversations, they would not go deeper than small talk.

Who wants to talk about emotional pain…we’re on vacation!

Then, after a few days, someone would come to my table and start a deeper conversation…about their children being alcoholics, about being restrained from seeing grandchildren, about being on their third marriage, about losing their partner, about fear of their illness coming back, and so much more.

I know…it’s been five years since Bob died! Come on, Eva; it’s time! And it’s getting easier to accept that.

However…now I have noticed that often it feels easier just to “fall down the rabbit hole” than to “accept” that he’s gone. Repetitive thinking about the way things were before Bob died seems to have become “habitual behavior”.

Then again, how do our behaviors start? In my world…it starts in the body. A familiar sensation emerges, something I have avoided and pushed down for years! Guess what! There is still that feeling of “I am not wanted”!

On the cruise, after being rejected, I felt discomfort the first day. It took another day before I could understand that I was really triggered and to become willing to look at my resistance to the pain.

I was blaming them for my discomfort and inability to enjoy the trip.

Please remember: The moment we blame people, situations, or circumstances for how we feel, we give up our power!

And the first day on the cruise, that’s what I was doing, trying to avoid that familiar feeling of fear…fear of doing something wrong, fear of not knowing, being bad, and that uncomfortable feeling of not being wanted!

Each time I allow this discomfort to emerge, I become stronger and can allow the sensations to just be. Then…I can allow Eva to just Be! By choice!

To let her cruise down the Rhone River and humbly choose to enjoy the ride, with gratitude for not living under the bridge! Because, there is nothing wrong with her. And…there is nothing wrong with You!

Can you allow your Self to just Be? Can you allow your Self to do what’s right…for You!?

And this is what the BEAM process is all about: A combination of education, experiences, and practices to help you resolve the pain that has been running your decision-making process and the resulting behaviors. You can then find clarity to know what you want, confidence to create what you want, and courage to be…You!

If you are interested in learning more about the BEAM process, contact me on my website at www.evaangvert.com or email me at [email protected]