Life after Grief? You Bet!

We’re in April, the first full month of spring in the Northern Hemisphere when nature opens up.

Spring symbolizes a new fresh start.

This month is about “renewal, new beginnings, growth, and hope”.

We’re ready for “shedding winter’s dormancy” and “opening up to the blossoming of life”.

It’s said that April showers bring May flowers.

I know that April is associated with many different cultural celebrations and themes. But, I like the focus on fresh starts, shedding winter’s dormancy, and the blossoming of life with resilience and transformation.

What a thought! That...

...we can transform, that we have a choice, that we don’t have to live in “dormancy”.

Now, think about this definition of dormancy from Oxford Languages:

“Dormancy is a period in an organism's life cycle when growth, development, and (in animals) physical activity are temporarily stopped. This minimizes metabolic activity and therefore helps an organism to conserve energy. The state of being is temporarily inactive or inoperative.”

Note: I think of us humans as animals when I read this definition.

If you have experienced a loss similar to what I have in the last four years, you may have been stuck in dormancy, too. For those of you who may be reading my blog for the first time, I am sharing with you that my husband of 30+ years died suddenly four years ago. This put me into a tailspin of shock, depression, fear, and doubt about whether I was going to make it.

Maybe you have been through something that threw you into similar fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

Many call this state “depression”.

Well, that’s one way of looking at it.

However, I don’t find that name for it helpful. I prefer to think of that state using the words from Oxford Languages:

“This minimizes metabolic activity and therefore helps an organism to conserve energy.”

I want to think of “depression” as the way we conserve energy!

In other words…rest…recovery…rebirth…and…transformation into who we truly are…our authentic Self! That last one,...

...transformation, requires the courage to change.

This definition of “conserving energy” gives my four years of surviving and “doing nothing” more value. I’m not just a victim of circumstances. Something horrific happened in my life, and I buckled down.

I faced it; it took time, but I came out a survivor. And so can you!

Like the phoenix bird – as Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries tell us:

“The phoenix bird primarily symbolizes renewal, resurrection, and immortality, representing the cyclical nature of life, death, and rebirth as it rises from the ashes of its own fiery demise, embodying hope, transformation, and the ability to overcome adversity and emerge stronger.”

We can all be a phoenix bird, rise from the ashes of our experience, and become stronger to move on! To find a new way of life, or even to get a life!

And when I’m looking back at this time in my life, I see it as a time of survival, renewal, and resurrection. I can see more “germination” and growth. I can find more value and acceptance of those four years of grieving.

What about you? Can you see that your time of grief has given you time to regroup and find a new way of life?

All of us have been through shock, anger, fear, and doubt. And if you are anything like me, you might also have experienced an identity crisis! Who am I now…when part of my identity left with my husband?

Who are you? Who do you want to be? Do you know? Have you been through a period of depression? In other words, have you had a period of “deep-ression”, as in “deep rest”? Have you been, like me, like the hibernating animals we are, conserving energy?

I have. And I’m coming out of it, I can feel it lifting. Can you?

If we want to have a life of joy, Ease and Comfort,...

...we have to take responsibility for our lives – all of it.

We have to work on accepting what has happened and decide what we can and cannot do. We have to pick up what’s left and make the best of it. We have to become willing to do what it takes to move on from our “deep rest” and “blossom into our new life”.

I’m not going to say it’s been easy. It has been exhausting…to get up, get out, walk, work out, fight a brain filled with remorse, regret, shame, and guilt!

How did I do it?

What has worked for me are Somatic and Emotional Resolution (EmRes) sessions to resolve it all…resolve the pain.

I have had so many EmRes sessions with practitioners like me – Somatic and EmRes practitioners.

These sessions have helped me to move through the pain. And, it is working! I feel so much better now!

How about you?

What are you doing to work through your pain? Are you putting a lid on it? Are you facing your pain?

Do not avoid it! Do not eat it away, drink it away, go shopping, get busy, scroll the internet, push it down, or even make a big decision the first year! Remember…many health care professionals recommend that you not make any big decisions in the first year of grief.

If you can… Be With It! Find a Somatic EmRes practitioner.

Depending on our past experiences, much of the pain we carry can be exacerbated by the pain from our past.

Losing my husband, my best friend, my protection, my rock, ripped me open. It felt as though something tore my skin off, and I was exposed, raw, and vulnerable with no protection. It was overwhelming and also triggered pain from my past of being abandoned and left behind to fend for my Self.

What has been triggered in you?

If you have experienced pain and trauma in your past, you may have been triggered and forced to experience that pain again in a current crisis. What happens to you in the present may feel overwhelming and impossible to deal with because it feels like the pain of the past.

Remember: Just for today, you can… deal with it! Feel it! Be With It, …and let it resolve.

There is a way to heal that will simultaneously heal your past traumas and your present pain.

It’s called Somatic healing, Emotional quieting, Somatic and emotional resolution in which we resolve the physical and emotional feelings and sensations that are so painful. Only then can we become free.

We come alive, for many of us, including me, for the first time.

When we become willing to “Feel the Wave” of our emotions and sensations and sink deep into our experience, we can allow everything to move through our body…we are free.

I can honestly say I’m doing much better and can see how I can live my life without my husband. It’s weird, it’s different, it’s sometimes lonely. But I can do this.

It’s April, the month of “blossoming of life with resilience and transformation”.

We can do this!

I’m not looking for a replacement for my deceased husband. Instead, I want to get to know me…Eva…for the first time, without my husband.

Who am I? What do I like? What do I want? What can I do?

If there will ever be someone else in my life, that person will meet me…Eva, not fragments of a victim that gave up her Self to survive.

What about you? Are you willing to take responsibility for your recovery? Are you willing to face your true Self?

If you are, you will move beyond your expectations and become that person you are supposed to be…Your authentic Self. You can develop clarity in what you want, confidence in what you do, and courage to be…You!

I can feel the beginning of my true Self. Can you?

When you become willing to face all of you, assets and liabilities, you will become who you were always meant to be…You! Find your Self, contact me on my website at www.evaangvert.com or email me at [email protected]

Join me!