Celebrating Women in Recovery

I know that men might have had it hard in their alcoholic and addictive world. I’m not trivializing their experience. However…I still believe that many women alcoholics/addicts have had it even worse.

The booze and drugs can make you believe you’re capable of anything!

When under the influence, we might allow behaviors we would never consent to if we’d been sober. We can wake up, come to in dangerous places, gain consciousness in situations without knowing how we got there. For a woman, these situations can be more dangerous than for men.

A common example for a woman is following the man she “loves” to a place he wants to move. In my case, after having lived in Butte, Montana, for less than six months, drinking or thinking about drinking most days, I asked a truck driver if I could move with him to Alabama...this was despite the fact that I spoke little English and was new to the United States.

Some of the reasons why we would put our Self in compromising situations might be insecurities, shame, guilt, and/or low Self-esteem.

Personally, I had been looking for safety in all the wrong places and allowed plenty of abuse to repeat.

The women I work with often share stories that are very similar to mine:

Childhood trauma, betrayal, abuse, domestic violence, and then the use of drugs and alcohol to smooth it over.

Often, drugs and alcohol can help us medicate our misery and make it possible for us to live in our situation. We live with the hope that our partner will change. We may think: I’ll stay until s/he sobers up, until s/he gets help, until the children are grown.

Until we have the courage to leave our “secure but harmful” environment, we often cannot see a way out, aching from the pain and shame over what we have allowed.

Hope can be gaslighting.

We can be told, “It will get better,” or “I promise I’ll stop…” whatever that means.
All this creates a sense of false hope.

We women need safe networks in which we can be available to support each other.

After years of recovery, I can still catch my Self thinking remorseful thoughts and wanting to change my past, so that I can feel a little better and avoid the shame of remembering who I used to be. In a case like that, I need that network.

My gosh! What was I thinking? Following a stranger in a strange land!

The problem is a lifestyle in which we have lost control.

What’s the solution?

Let it go! Let it all go!

What’s the “it”?

The pain and memories from the past that linger in our body.

In my experience,

Somatic/emotional resolution has worked for me.

Even after having been in recovery for 16 years, I could still become overwhelmed with a trigger from the past, and it would affect my behavior that day. In those days, even with all that recovery, I could still get triggered and start a fight with my husband, scream at my children, and just snap at people out of raw fear.

I was told to ask God for help, to get out of my Self, to stop being so Self-centered. The 12-step program assured me that helping someone else was the solution. Following the 12 steps, I began to see my shortcomings and learn how to take responsibility for my behaviors.

I am truly grateful for the 12-step program and how it has saved my life! The program saved my marriage, my relationship with my children, and still today, at 36 years of sobriety, the program is a wonderful support for my life...and I needed something more.

As a coach, I wanted to find another way, something that could heal what was left of past trauma in my body!

At that time, I stumbled onto

Somatic Experiencing (SE) and Emotional Resolution (EmRes).

I signed up for workshops and courses to learn about Somatic awareness and emotional resolution.

My world changed.

I learned that, in a session, we can access the leftover sensations from the past.

The trauma may be old. However, instead of reliving old pain, we can access the triggers in the present moment and let the body tell the story through sensations and feelings.

I learned that when something happened that triggered me, the trigger created fear or anger in me,

I could pay attention to my body sensations and allow the discomfort and “bad feelings” to emerge without trying to control, manage, or in any way guide the experience.

I could “Do Nothing” and just “Be with It”.

Regardless of the people, places, or situations around me that triggered me, if I could bring my attention to the physical sensations I felt in my body, I was free.

Then…I had

More space and time to decide how to respond. This is what I call “Riding the Wave” of discomfort.

On March 8th, we will celebrate a global day honoring women's achievement. On that day, I will be celebrating a wonderful feeling of achievement:

I can “Ride the Wave” of discomfort and land in the Land of Ease and Comfort.

I have not had a panic attack in years, and even when my husband died, four years ago, I didn’t have to crawl into a fetal position and scream out of raw fear…something I used to do on a daily basis at the beginning of my recovery. Instead, I could “Ride the Wave” – the physical sensations of fear, anger, confusion, even feelings of panic – without being overwhelmed.

And so can you!

With practice, we can meet the challenges of our day and remember to hold on to our Self and Ride that Wave called life. We can allow all our sensations and emotions to flow through. In doing so, we also resolve old pain…just by letting it be.

That way, we let it go.

If you want to know more about the BEAM LiFE process and how it can help you find your Self, contact me on my website at www.evaangvert.com or email me at [email protected]