What Is It That Holds Us Back?

Feb 06, 2017

By Eva Angvert Harren, Core Coach and Educator

What is it that holds us back…truly?

Fear? Of what?

Personally, I hate feeling stupid, so of course, when I am put in a situation I do not understand, given directions I do not understand, and expected to “get it done!” I become defensive and find myself not giving the project my all.

I do understand that – get it done…but how?

I just told you!

I know! But my brain hurts, like the gear is stuck. I’m not processing the words that just came at me; they feel like darts, small prickly darts in my face, the shame.

It’s like with the coffee grinder: the beans are not coming through; it’s running on idle.

My brain is working feverishly to process; it’s just that the beans are not making it through. I hate my brain!

What is it you don’t understand?

Pretty much everything you just told me. (The shame is overwhelming!)

Like all the cars are moving and mine is still, even as I am stepping on the gas, more and more. 10,000 RPM later, the engine is hot, but my car is still. I cannot get the gear to “catch.” I hate my brain! It’s hot, foggy, and hurting. I hate being me.

Then I hear, “But you are so smart; how come you don’t get it?”


I HATE not knowing. That’s what creates the fear – not knowing…how to be, what to do, how to do it, and how not to look stupid doing it.

So, I sit with it, allow it, feel the fear and discomfort, the shame from decades ago.

I feeeeeel the feelings of inadequacy, the tears from years of feeling stupid, and the heaviness from the hopeless feeling of “I will always be this stupid.”

I allow it all to bubble up, to take over my Self, to drown me.

And then…suddenly this calm comes over me.

 This is who you are; deal with it, find your brilliance, be authentic, and practice radical self-acceptance.

Radical Self-Acceptance it is!

I’m suddenly feeling better, I’m coming out of the gutter, I’m coming up for air, I’m feeling my gift, my purpose.

Ah, air! I’m here, in the moment, in the now, and everything is always okay in the now.

So, let’s stay in the now, and thrive in the now, and move through the barriers in the now, and…oh!

That’s how you do it? Got it! Oh…I GOT IT.

My goodness, I think my brain is catching, it’s in gear!

I realize that I understand, I am intelligent, and I have brilliance!

When the body calms down, the brain calms down, and the “grinder” can process the beans.

Result: A wonderful, strong delicious espresso!

I love my life. I can be…ME!

And you . . . can be YOU!

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